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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26387725">Good For The Heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaigeWillows/pseuds/PaigeWillows'>PaigeWillows</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Descendants (Disney Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gay, Hospitalization, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Romance, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, benlos, unstable</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:26:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,163</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26387725</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaigeWillows/pseuds/PaigeWillows</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Carlos DeVil is having a hard time and a hard life. After a failed suicide attempt Carlos is taken to Auradon Hospital, A Psychiatric hospital owned by Belle and Adam Beast where their son Ben volunteers. Carlos is looking for peace and Ben is only in it for his family but when the two cross paths, an unlikely friendship forms. But destiny has bigger plans for the two. Along the way Carlos meets Mal, Evie, and Jay his soon to be best friends. A tale of romance and mental health.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben/Carlos de Vil, Benlos - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Waking Up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>WARNING: This story contains triggering subjects such as suicide, self-harm, mental institutions, mental illnesses, eating disorders, and so much more. IF ANY OF THIS TRIGGERS OR BOTHERS YOU PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS STORY.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first thing that Carlos recognized as his consciousness returned to him was that overly chemically clean smell. The sterile and sharp scent of a hospital was unmistakable. Carlos let out a sigh before he even opened his eyes. It all came flooding back to him, the bottle of sleeping pills, the endless sea of tears, and the pain in the hollow of his chest that never seemed to go away. For the briefest moment, that pain was gone. His mother's screams that echoed in his head finally silent and the overwhelming peaceful numbness overcame him in waves. Heaving a hefty sigh Carlos pried open his eyes, blinking away his sleep and letting the sharp, blinding white hospital room come into focus. He was suddenly aware of the soft beeping of his heart monitor as he sat up observing his clinical surroundings. Of course, someone would find him before his overdose could take effect. He was hoping for some finality. For all the suffering to finally be over so he would never feel that pain again.</p><p>A nurse wearing gloves and garishly bright yellow scrubs came into the room momentarily shocked to see the teen not only awake, alive, but sitting up. She slipped on a fake smile that was sickening to look at, so Carlos avoided looking directly at the sunshine bright nurse. "Good to see you awake. We almost lost you there. How are you feeling? Any physical pain?", She asked going about taking his vitals and jotting them down on his chart. Carlos merely shook his head gloomily and looked at the wall, less paying attention to the falsely cheery nurse and more so focusing on the rising dread in his chest. He wasn't physically in pain, but the emotional pain was almost too much. He could already tell he was swallowed up by one of his depressive episodes. The deep-seated depression too stark and void like that it was hard to imagine that there was anything beyond it. The nurse seemed satisfied by his quietness and went about babbling compliments about his hair and freckles. He just grimaced in the form of a smile and nodded as if he cared. "The crisis worker will be in shortly to come to check on you. He will see about getting you proper help for what you are dealing with. Alright? If you need anything just press the call button and I'll be right here. Okay?" Without even waiting for his response the sunny nurse swept out of the room leaving Carlos alone with his thoughts and suffering.</p><p>Carlos lost track of time overcome with the sound of his mother's rage-filled screams echoing in his ears. Her inhuman treatment of him left both physical and emotional scars that while healed over still felt as raw as the day they were made. Some pain is never forgotten. By the time his mother's wailing had hit its crescendo a polite looking man with square black-rimmed glasses on a square face came stiffly into the room. He sat in the visitor's chair with a clipboard and gave Carlos a worried smile. Immediately he felt more willing to talk to this man than the nurse. He didn't appear falsely cheerful or here to coddle him. He seemed like a man whose job was to understand. "So Carlos, we both know why you are here but I am here because it is apparent that you need help. Not just the kind of help that an emergency department can give but the kind that seeks to help you deal with your emotions and your mind. Do you understand?"</p><p>"Yes." Carlos croaked hoarsely and simply, his throat suddenly feeling sore from the inevitable tubes they most likely had shoved down it at some point. The crisis worked nodded sagely as if reading more into the simple word than there was. He jotted something down and it made Carlos painfully curious what he wrote. Was he that easy to read, or was this simply something one learns with plenty of time working with crisis patients? The bespectacled man continued.</p><p>"So we were looking for vacancies in some of the psychiatric hospitals nearby and found you a bed at Auradon Hospital. It's one of the better hospitals in my opinion and with your consent, I'd like to confirm with them so we can get you transferred over to them as soon as possible. It's clear you don't need much more medical care." The crisis worker gave him a small fleeting smile. "So, before I get ahead of myself can you tell me, in your own words why you are here?" The man poised his pen ready to reach in between Carlos's words and find a deeper meaning. Carlos contemplated being stubborn and simply staying silent, especially with how raw his throat felt but he sighed softly and knew fighting wouldn't get him anywhere good.</p><p>"I attempted suicide..." Carlos started looking just over the shoulder of the crisis worker as his gaze was far too penetrating to hold for long. "I get... episodes, my therapist calls them, where all I can hear in my head is my mother's screaming. I relive it. It's from my PTSD. I was also depressed and sick of school, sick of my mother, sick of living. I just wanted it all to be over. So I found a bottle of my mother's sleeping pills and popped the cap and downed the whole thing. That's why I am here. I'm here because I failed at killing myself." The bitterness in his voice made the crisis worker frown. He didn't mask his disappointment, but Carlos couldn't care less about the judgments of a stranger. He had no friends to judge him anyway. No one's opinion mattered but his own. Right now, he just wanted to go back to sleep.</p><p>"Alright, Well I'd like for you to not look at this as a failure but another chance. There are so many reasons to live and while right now, me telling you them might not help, I want you to know that they exist. There is a life beyond mental illness. You can be happy and it's our job to help you get there okay? I'm going to make the necessary phone calls and I'll let you rest alright." The crisis worker gave him a sympathetic look before leaving the room. Carlos gritted his teeth and swore under his breath. If there was one thing, he hated more than his mental illnesses, it was the pity and sympathy that people gave him for it. He didn't want anyone to feel sorry for him. He just wanted to be fixed. For so long he has felt so broken inside as nothing will ever fix him. He just wants to hope again. Hope for a future and hope for the best.</p><p>The sunshine nurse pulls him out of his thinking as she enters the room with a clipboard and a pen chained to the board so he can't steal it. "Here, it'll be a while so you might as well order something to eat." She says pleasantly. Carlos orders a cheeseburger, some fries, chocolate milk, and some chocolate ice cream. The nurse takes the order from him and disappears again. Laying back down, Carlos stares at the ceiling feeling the dread fill his chest once again as his eye begins to feel heavy once more. Not wanting to cry and upset anyone he just slips into the sleep that beckoned him back like an old friend.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Hospital to Hospital</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Carlos gets checked by a doctor before heading to Auradon Hospital.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As Carlos slept, he was plagued by dreams of endless darkness, a void swallowing him whole. No matter how much he ran, screamed, cried, or hoped nothing changed. It was suffocating despite how empty and completely void it was. In his dreams, he tossed and turned until finally a strangled sob escaped his throat and he woke himself up. He was sweating profusely and cold yet prickled with an icy heat. It took him a second to collect himself and gulp down air, sobbing so profusely that he wasn’t breathing properly. He was hyperventilating by the time his brain started working again and he forced himself to breathe slowly and calmly. His body followed suit, calming down and relaxing back into the bed no matter how forced it was.</p><p>It took him longer than it should have to notice that his phone and wireless earbuds were on the table beside his bed. There was a note from his mother saying she dropped off his clothes and some of his effects to the nurse’s station. Beside that sat his food under a plastic domed lid. Sighing heavily, Carlos adjusted into a sitting position and grabbed his phone, and put his earbuds in turning on his playlist of music loudly. As the bass thumped in his ears to a heavy beat, he slipped the cover off of his food, pulled it into his lap, and began to devour it. It wasn’t until the first few bites hit his empty stomach that he realized how hungry he was. He completely lost himself into his music not paying attention to anything other than the loud melody thumping in his ears. </p><p>Just as he was finishing his food and setting it aside the doctor came in, checking his chart briefly before giving Carlos a polite smile. Reluctantly Carlos took out his earbuds and focused on his doctor. His doctor had a large nose and dark copper brown eyes. He was dressed in pale blue scrubs with a stethoscope hung around his neck. “Hello, Carlos. I’m just going to give you some basic tests to make sure you didn’t have any major damage from the overdose. Follow my pen with your eyes and not your head.” He pulled his fountain pen out of his breast pocket and waved it slowly in front of his face in the cardinal directions. Carlos followed it with his eyes feeling like he was being hypnotized or something. Next gave him a polite smile, “Good. Now can you follow your finger from the tip of your nose to my pen and back?” The doctor asked. Carlos did as told still feeling oddly soothed by the instructions. “Good, now I want you to grip my fingers with both hands.” He again followed instructions, doing more things like lifting his legs and holding them in the air as well as pushing his foot against the doctor’s hand like a gas pedal. Finally once satisfied by that he had to say some tongue twister about fairytales. He finished by checking his eyes, his lungs, and his heart. The doctor smiled warmly and stood back, “Looks like you aren’t suffering any major symptoms from your overdose. How do you feel?” He put his stethoscope back on his neck and Carlos nodded.</p><p>“I’m feeling fine physically… it’s just emotionally and mentally I still feel like I’m not okay.” Carlos replied making the doctor nod giving him a sympathetic look that the teen hated.</p><p>“That’s alright. The people at the psychiatric hospital will take good care of you. Auradon Hospital is one of the best psych hospitals in the country.” The doctor nodded sagely before patting him on the shoulder and leaving the room. Carlos let out another sigh before putting his earbuds back in and laid down staring at the ceiling and ended up dozing off again. By the time he woke up again his playlist had ended and it was eerily silent. He pulled out his earbuds as a new nurse, dressed in hot pink scrubs, came in to check on him with the crisis worker from before following shortly behind her.</p><p>“Everything has gone smoothly, and we have an ambulance here to transport you to Auradon Hospital. Everything is going to be alright Carlos. Hang in there, buddy.” The crisis worker moved out of the way as a stretcher was wheeled into the room for him to mount. Carlos moved to the stretcher. The paramedics raised the stretcher and wheeled him out of the room, out the doors, and loaded him into the ambulance after securing his seatbelt/restraints. Once inside his belongings were brought to him and they set off for Auradon hospital. The stretcher was uncomfortable on his lower back and ass, but he was too nervous to focus on that. He didn’t know what to expect. Was he going to be in some padded cell or something? He did not know what a psychiatric hospital was like aside from the outdated asylums of yesteryear. Surely things couldn’t be that bad right? Finding his thoughts wandering Carlos closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You okay back there?” One of the paramedics asked from the front. He sighed shakily.</p><p>“Yes. I’m fine just nervous.” Carlos admitted honestly, not sure why he felt like confiding in the paramedics. One of them, a female with her hair in a tight ponytail came back and smiled at him comfortingly.</p><p>“Don’t worry. They’re going to take really good care of you. You have nothing to worry about, I promise. We bring people to Auradon hospital all the time. They’re some of the nicest people. I swear they’re angels or something. Everyone leaves in a better place than they arrived. So don’t worry.” The paramedic smiled still and for some reason, her presence and honesty did the trick. While he was still nervous, he was more confident about going there. While he didn’t know entirely what to expect he knew that he needed to do this if he wanted to get out of the painful and lonely place, he was now in.</p><p>It took nearly an hour for them to get out of Isle City and to the mainland. It was only ten minutes later that the ambulance came to a halt and he was wheeled out again into a nicely decorated and colorful waiting room. He was finally allowed off of his stretcher. A plump looking older lady who introduced herself as Poppy Godmother lead him into a small room with a table and two chairs. She motioned for him to sit and he took it. She sat across from him filling out and going over paperwork with him, confirming that he was being admitted voluntarily allowing him to sign a three-day notice that would give the hospital three days to decide whether to keep him for longer or release him. Carlos nodded along as she explained the procedure. She asked him why he was there, and he recounted his suicide attempt. Unlike before where people in the emergency room gave him sympathy, all Mrs. Godmother appeared to display was a grim understanding. It was quite a relief not to see that sickening expression of pity again.  </p><p>Once intake was finished, he was led through a couple of hallways and doors to Unit North Two. This was a very comfortable almost hotel-like unit with windows of the lush outside and plenty of seating nooks for alone time. To the left was a hallway of personal rooms. To the right was the main desk where a handful of volunteers and councilors were stationed. Poppy Godmother leads him around the desk introducing him to the staff and showing him where the community room and group rooms were. The community room served as a small cafeteria as well as a leisure room. It had a large flat screen tv locked behind glass on one wall and a snack window on the other. The group room was like a small classroom with a whiteboard and a television. </p><p>Once familiar with that she led him to a room with a dry erase plaque that read: Jay and Carlos. His name had been added freshly. While Jay’s name was in red, Carlos’s was in black. He didn’t know if this had any significance or not but when he was led into the room again, he found a bronze-skinned young man with long brown hair and dark brown eyes looking up at him from one of the beds. “Jay, this is Carlos. Your new roommate. Don’t steal anything from him alright. If I hear anything, you’ll lose tv privileges for three days.” Mrs. Godmother said sternly. Jay was a well fit and muscular guy who looked like he played sports or worked out. He also had a gleam in his eye that sent chills down Carlos’s spine. Not only was his roommate attractive but he was a bad boy. Exactly the type he typically went out with. Jay simply nodded at Mrs. Godmother as Carlos was shown the attached private bathroom and to his bed before Poppy left him alone. Carlos sat on the bed unsure what to do with himself. </p><p>Before he could think of anything to say to his admittedly handsome and rugged roommate, there was a knock at the door.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Meeting Ben</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Doctor Hades assesses Carlos and assigns him his volunteer buddy.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Carlos stared at the door from where the knocking was coming from. Jay rolled his eyes and got up, crossing the room and opening the door to reveal an attractive looking man in a sapphire blue pin-stripe shirt with a black silk tie, sleek black slacks, and shiny black shoes. His complexion was almost porcelain and his eyes were practically dancing blue flames. His hair was shaved short on the sides with the top spiked but somewhat slicked back. It was that jet black that turned bluish in sunlight.  He had a wicked smile on his lips as he bumped fists with Jay. He jerked his head to the side and Jay nodded leaving the room, the two seem to know each other very well. Carlos was mesmerized by the handsome man and he seemed to notice. He walked confidently over to a desk between their beds and sat in the chair after turning it to look at Carlos. His smile made his eyes crease in a way that showed he was much older than Carlos but remained youthful.</p><p>“Hello, Carlos I’m Doctor Hades, your psychiatrist. I’d just like to go over some things with you. You can be as vague or as detailed as you need to be but I need a full picture of what is going on with you to decide what medications to prescribe you. Do you understand?” The doctor prepared a notebook and pen in his lap after crossing his legs elegantly. Carlos didn’t trust his words right now, he couldn’t believe himself. He was surrounded by attractive people and it was discomforting. He always felt very average in his attractiveness if not a little ugly. While he knew he wasn’t unattractive he didn’t feel like he looked anywhere near as good as Jay or Doctor Hades. Largely he blamed his height as he was relatively short for a male. Most men towered over him, though as a gay guy - and a bottom at that, he didn’t feel he compared to the more statuesque men. At best Carlos considered himself cute even if his previous boyfriends tried to convince him otherwise.  The doctor seemed to notice Carlos’s wandering mind and gave a dazzling smile. “Let’s focus on why you are here and how you are feeling. I’ll recount everything I’ve been told and you can fill in the blanks. Does that sound alright?” Hades tilted his head and Carlos nodded again feeling his cheeks flush a bit. </p><p>“Alright, So I know that you suffer from Bipolar Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Correct?” Hades scribbled on his notebook as he spoke and Carlos nodded again in response. “Your Therapist confirmed that you suffer from episodes of hearing your mother in your head?” Carlos gulped and sighed.</p><p>“Yes. My mother used to be extremely… abusive. She hit me, screamed at me, broke me in every way that I can think of. She is better now but I can’t get over it. It just is stuck in there.” He said helplessly but Doctor Hades nodded sagely and gave him a comforting smile.</p><p>“Your mother is a source of trauma and stress for you, Carlos. No one goes through trauma and comes out unscathed, no matter how well it appears. We all have our demons, some are just louder than others. Alright well, I wanted to check and make sure that we covered our bases. Is there anything else you need to tell me? It sounds to me like you need a mood stabilizer and possibly some medications for your PTSD and intrusive thoughts. Do you have trouble sleeping at all?” The doctor looked up with his piercing blue eyes, pen poised to write. Carlos nodded once more as insomnia was a close friend of his with how many sleepless nights he had. “Alright, I’ll get you set up with some medication to help you sleep. Try to go to the groups, they’re in one right now so I’d say wait for the next one. You’ll be assigned a volunteer to be your buddy. That volunteer will be someone for you to talk to, ask questions, and confide in. Everything you tell them is private. It’s like a buddy system. Most hospitals don’t do this kind of treatment but we are testing it out with our younger patients. Okay? Your buddy should come to get you for dinner here in a bit. I think you’ll like him.” Doctor Hades winked at Carlos and stood gracefully before exiting the room swiftly. </p><p>For the first time since the doctor entered his room, Carlos finally felt like he could breathe. The one thing Carlos longed for was his phone back so he could listen to music. However, all of his belongings were taken from him upon entering the hospital, he was still wearing a hospital gown too. He hadn’t gotten his clothes back yet. As if the mere thought manifested, Poppy waddled into the room cheerfully handing him a large brown paper bag full of his belongings as well as complimentary toiletries. Carlos pulled out a set of clothes from his bag and went into the bathroom, closed the door, and slipped into his clothes. He wore a tight black t-shirt, white zip-up hoodie covered in black paw prints, and red and black striped skinny jeans. He wasn’t given his shoes, but he slipped on socks anyway. Returning to the main bedroom Carlos plopped down on the bed and laid-back staring at the ceiling. </p><p>Carlos hadn’t realized he had drifted into a light sleep until a knock at the door woke him up. He rubbed his eyes of sleep and sat up. “Come in.” He called towards the door. After a moment the door handle turned and it felt like Carlos forgot how to breathe. In walked a tall thin but muscular male with chocolate brown hair, warm hazel eyes, a charming smile, and a pleasant attitude. To say Carlos was immediately smitten would be an understatement. It took him a minute to realize he was staring and abruptly ducked his head, cheeks flushed with a bright red blush. “Hello…” Carlos squeaked nervously, trying to push down his immediate attraction and remember now was most definitely not the time for that. The teen walked over to his bed and sat down next to Carlos.</p><p>“Hello, I’m Benjamin Beast, but you can just call me Ben. I’m here to be your buddy. Is that okay?” His voice was warm like fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies. It was wholesome and something about him just warmed Carlos from the inside out. He merely gave his now-signature nod and Ben chuckled. “Not the talkative type huh? That’s fine. Dinner is about to start. We should go grab it before it gets cold. If you don’t want to eat in the community room we can eat in here together, I know the first night can be overwhelming.” Carlos sighed in relief and Ben smiled.</p><p>“I’m… uh, not really a people person,” Carlos admitted and Ben nodded patting his back gently.</p><p>“That’s fine. I’ll go grab our trays. What do you want to drink?” Ben asked standing back up. Carlos shrugged. He chuckled at the shorter teen and left the room. After about ten minutes he came back with two full trays of identical food. Roast beef, green beans, and mashed potatoes. On one trey was a cup and the other was a small carton of chocolate milk. Carlos quickly took the one with the chocolate milk thankfully. Ben couldn’t help but laugh as he sat down. It was another warm sound, like everything about Ben. “I’m guessing you like chocolate milk?” </p><p>“I love chocolate, anything chocolate.“ Carlos admitted opening his packet of silverware and starting to dig in. Ben followed suit, digging right into his food all the same. They ate in silence, the two still too new to each other to feel confident striking up a conversation.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Mindfulness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Carlos attends group and Ben gives him a hug.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After dinner, Ben took their trays and disposed of them before coming back to the room sitting back down by Carlos. “Are you feeling up to group? It’s starting in a couple of minutes.” He smiles charmingly making Carlos blush slightly.</p><p>“Um… what is group exactly… like what do we do?” Carlos asks curiously looking away from Ben’s handsome face in an attempt to control his raging hormones. Ben doesn’t seem to pick up on Carlos’s attraction.</p><p>“Well… group changes each time. Sometimes it is a group to process how you are feeling and what you are doing, other times group is more like a way to learn to handle your emotions and cope in healthy ways. I believe this group is on DBT Mindfulness.” Carlos looks at him confused before Ben realizes his mistake. “Dialectic Behavioral Therapy. DBT for short. I about recognizing the things you can change and the things you have to accept and doing them both. That’s a mouthful to simply say life sucks sometimes and there are situations we have to just make the best of and some that we have to actively change.” Ben smiles again making butterflies erupt in his stomach again. Carlos nods a bit and smiles back sheepishly.</p><p>“I think I’ll go… if you go with me. I don’t want to be alone with all those people I don’t know.” Carlos admits and Ben nods patting his back before standing and leading him out of the room to the group room where everyone was waiting. Carlos hides behind Ben looking around at the people starring at him. The clinician Carlos vaguely remembers as Rapunzel unlocks the room and leads everyone in. Ben pulls Rapunzel aside and speaks with her briefly. She looks at Carlos who sits by himself in the corner away from everyone else before nodding. Ben grabs a chair and drags it to Carlos’s side and sits with him. Rapunzel goes to the front introducing herself. “I see we have a new group member. His name is Carlos and he is a little shy so let’s not stare or give him attention if he doesn’t want it alright. Now Mindfulness is one of the four main pillars of DBT. Can anyone tell me what Mindfulness means?” The room was silent until a girl with sapphire blue hair dressed casual, but chic rose her hand. “Yes, Evie?”</p><p>“Mindfulness is taking things one thing at a time, focusing on the present and actively engaging in the moment.” Evie smiles brilliantly and Rapunzel nods writing down aspects of what Evie said. </p><p>“Does anyone know what Wise Mind is?” Everyone is silent before a girl with purple hair and scary green eyes raises her hand with a groan. “Yes, Mal?”</p><p>“Wise mind is combining our logical side of our mind and our emotional side of our mind to make educated decisions.” Rapunzel draws a graphic on the whiteboard depicting what Wise Mind means.</p><p>“Sometimes we make decisions based on our emotions, our hearts. Sometimes we make decisions with only our reason, our head. Wise mind is combining these and making satisfying, safe decisions that satisfy reason and emotion. Does everyone understand? Okay…” The group continued to talk about mindfulness and how and when to use it. Carlos relaxed some as the attention was shifted away from him. After the group ended Carlos waited for everyone but Ben to leave before retreating to his room. Ben didn’t follow him like he hoped so Carlos sat on the bed curled up, head on his knees.</p><p>“Hey bro. You okay?” Jay asked swaggering into the room but pausing when he sees Carlos.</p><p>“No… not really,” Carlos admits quietly starting to sob, pulling himself tighter. Jay leaves the room and a moment later Ben reappears in the room sitting by Carlos.</p><p>“Hey… what’s wrong?” Ben gently rubs his back soothingly. “You don’t have to tell me but we don’t suffer alone here. It’s okay if you need to be alone but we’re all here for you.” Ben says softly and sweetly trying to comfort the crying young man. Carlos peeks out at Ben. </p><p>“Can… Can I have a hug?” Carlos sniffled and Ben gave him a dazzling smile that made his stomach do flips.</p><p>“Of course. Typically we don’t like people touching too much because it triggers some people but I can definitely hug you if that’s what you need.” Ben shifts and pulls Carlos close, wrapping his arms around him securely. He buries his face in Ben’s neck and tries to calm down. Ben holds him until he calms down before separating from him but still staying close. “I get the feeling you haven’t had enough hugs in your life,” Ben says sadly and Carlos nods sighing.</p><p>“My mother used to be abusive and dad was a dead beat who disappeared before I was even born. MY mother blames me for him leaving. She doesn’t hurt me anymore, but the damage is done you know. I hear her screaming in my head all the time and it gets hard to think. I just relive it all over and over again… and then the bipolar hits a depressive episode and I just… I lose all hope… It’s like being stuck in the dark alone and cold. It makes you question everything.” Carlos explains and Ben nods listening intently.</p><p>“Well I’m really good with hugs and while I can’t make those things go away. Feel free to imagine me hugging you when the voice gets too strong. Think about my arms around your waist until the screaming ends. If you need to come find me and I’ll happily hug you okay? I’m here for you Carlos. I promise.” Ben rubs his back comfortingly before standing up. “I’m sad to go but it’s past time I left. I was leaving when Jay came and got me. Will you be okay for the night?” Carlos nods and shifts in the bed crawling under the covers. Ben watches Carlos with a look he doesn’t recognize before smiling. “Alright snuggle bug. Sleep tight.” He winks before heading out. By the time Jay returns Carlos has already fallen asleep, dreams of Ben swimming through his head.</p>
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